Sex With Animals Causes Cancer [REPORT]

Some people may have taken Ginuwine’s “Pony” song too literal. There’s a new report that warns that sex with animals causes cancer. I’m sure it causes plenty of other things also but penile cancer is officially found to be one of them. Ouch. Hell of a place to grow a tumor. But then again, if you’re going around poking chickens you probably deserve it.

I’m not sure if the theory of AIDS coming from some poor guy boom chicka wah wahing with a monkey prompted a study about the health effects of sex with animals but something did. And somebody funded it. And researched it. And actually found enough respondents to draw qualifying data and conclusions. And apparently it’s widespread enough to issue a warning in the form of a report. And I’m done starting sentences with the word “and”.

Mens Health reports:

Brazilian researchers polled nearly 500 men from a dozen cities, and found that—we’re not joking around here—roughly 35 percent of the men had “made it” with an animal. That’s a problem, because screwing a horse, donkey, pig, or any other animal was found to up your likelihood of developing cancers of the penis by 42 percent.

A few more stats: The average age at which study participants first had sex with an animal was 13.5 years. The most popular barn buddy? Horses, followed by donkeys, goats, and chickens. Pigs came in last. Also, nearly 30 percent of those having sex with animals had done so in the company of others (presumably humans). Fortunately, the study found that almost all of the men who had sex with animals stopped after their first sexual encounter with a human partner.

FYI: Just 60 years ago, 8 percent of American men admitted to having inter-species rendezvous.  Not sure where that number stands today but that’s about the same percentage of people approve of Congress in the last poll. See where this is going?