The Smugger
Urbane Male. Life. Style.


November 1, 2012

4 Things I Know I’m Too Old For [FEATURE]

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Written by: Austin Weatherington
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Another one bites the dust. Today marks the 27th anniversary of my bold arrival to this planet and I must say there are many things to thank the good Lord for other than my boyish good looks of course. Good health, amazing family and friends, and a somewhat secure roof over my head. Most of all though, I thank the man up top for conviction. They say age breeds wisdom and there have been a few red flags over the last year that let me know that I’m growing, and wising up. Bear with me as I take you on a quick and dirty journey through the 4 things I realized I was too old for.

4.) Wearing Elementary School Hair-do’s
Yes, I’m talking to you RG3. Every time I see you in a press conference I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I know I’m dancing in a crowded room on this, lamenting about the acceptability of black hair and all, but I’m willing to take the bullet on this one–(because you have eyes and I know you see it to). I mean really. What are those? I personally feel compelled to hand craft a letter to Gabby Douglas on behalf of the black race for our “hairism”. You mean to tell me the hair police came after Gabby for having her hair in a bun, yet they let RG3′s “Coolio-danglers” slide. I’m all for hair freedom, but I must admit this particular adolescent style raises my sugar.

3.) Making Excuses
Ahhhhh… There once was a day where I hid behind excuses. When the fear of what others may think of me motivated me to save self-image at all costs. Be it right or be it wrong, I didn’t want people thinking I was irresponsible and lazy. I was dead set on being exactly who that person wanted me to be….. I’m sure as hell glad those days are OVER. Over this past year I’ve been crippled by the common disease known as notgiveaneffitis. You see this condition weakens your perception of the outside world, and heightens your inner most sensibilities, rendering what others think of you irrelevant. If I’m not able to get something done, guess what? I just wasn’t able to get it done. I could take you through a litany of why, and how it didn’t get done but that’s energy I could be saving and putting toward the motivation of getting that task complete. Look, this isn’t high school english class. Nobody is giving out sympathy points, so why try to get em? Practice not explaining yourself sometime. It feels Grrrrreeaaat! ( Tony the Tiger Voice)

2.) Not Dating Women Because of Their Past
To the young professional, marginally handsome, I just started wearing “fitted jeans” guy… I’m talking to you. Look, I know you’re not used to all this newfound female attention, but you’re abusing it. Your whole life you’ve been the “middle-of-the-road” kinda of guy, and due to the high black male incarceration rates, disproportional college graduation rates, and increasing gay numbers in the city, you’ve seen your stock rise from white bread to wine and cheese over night–and you don’t know how to act. Look, I’m all for elevating up life’s skewed dating chain, however, now that the playing field has tipped in your favor you’re acting all brand new. Just yesterday you were cool with chicken fingers, now you’re demanding steak and shrimp… C’mon son. In my group of friends I’m known as the most forgiving because I realize EVERYBODY has a past. That’s right Kanye, I’m on your side. I’m simply too old to be dismissing future wifey’s because I knew who she slept with back in undergrad. If you know like I know, a little “edge” ain’t hurt nobody. In fact there are some fringe benefits that come along with someone having a “past”…. I’m just saying, ask Kanye.

1.) Living Through Hip-Hop/Rappers
I remember when I vicariously lived through the music I listen to. When The Blueprint was my blueprint, and I was literally, or should I say metaphorically was Ready to Die. Rap music molded my thoughts and shaped my self-image. From my take on women, to my taste in fashion, and I’m not ashamed to say that to this day I’ve memorized more rap lyrics than scripture. But somewhere between BIG Poppa and Big Sean something changed. I don’t know if it’s age, experience, or a combination of both that no longer allow me to personally connect with the music in the way I once had. In no way am I attempting to get on my Hip-Hop soapbox and talk about rap’s “golden era”. I actually love where Hip-Hop sits today, and am not looking for it to go back to anything. I figure now more than ever I can make the clear distinction on what does and does not apply to me. Sadly, we have some 40-year-old men, and 13-year-old boys with the same taste in fashion, and similar views on women…. And that’s a DAMN SHAME.

27 is looking good on me already.

About the Author

Austin Weatherington
Austin Weatherington



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